Like everyone else, I used to go to school. But at the age of 16, everything crashed. But lets start at the beginning when I was a child going to kindergarden. I used to go to an all French school. Not French immersion, all French. An all French-Canadian school named Rene-Lamoureux in my town. Not to be racist, I was the only black girl in my class until grade 6. Like everyone else, it was easy to have friends. Not me. People wouldn’t get near me. Every time in gym class, we would be in four groups. Almost every month we would switch leaders. When it was my time, people begged me not to be in my group. And it happened every year. When I wasn’t a leader, I would get picked last. It hurt me so bad, that I would cry when I was alone. The only time I was happy, was when it was my birthday; I would bring treats (like doughnuts or Timbits from Tim Hortons). That was the only time they would notice me. And at the same time, the whole class was being fake to me. Even though they were fake, at least I was happy for a bit and being in that illusion.

When I was in grade 4, I switched schools for a few months I went to an English public school called Cooksville Creek which I now call Cooksville Creeps. I wasn’t the only black girl in the class when I was there. I did have 2 friends when I was there but for a short time since they didn’t want to talk to me or come near me. Also, the teachers were rude and racist as well. When it was picture day, one of the vice principals came to me and said something, I didn’t hear her since it was too loud and there were too many people around. She told me to move so the class can get their picture taken. I honestly didn’t know she told me to. So I got in trouble and didn’t get my picture taken. I got seriously sad and I wanted to leave. A few months after, my mom sent me back to Rene. When I got back, the class were mad that I was back. Grade 6 was my last year there and my mom changed me to an English private school called Philopateer Christian College.

I was there for grade 7 and half of grade 8. I got stressed when I was in grade 8 because my music teacher wouldn’t stop bothering me to ask my parents to pay for the flute so I can do the class. I did tell my parents but they didn’t give me the money to pay them. My parents got irritated as well, so I changed schools once more. I did have friends when I was there but once again, they stopped and you know the rest. I changed back to French once more for the rest of the grade 8 year. I went to a school called Jeunes Sans Frontières. At this school as well, no one liked me in class and most of my stuff kept getting stolen. Except one girl who was part of that is now friends me. I guess someone people can change. Even though I still doubt that.

When I reached high school, I still stayed in a French school but called Ste Famille. I had one good friend who I still stayed in touch. Some of the idiots who were in Rene-Lamoureux were there in that school. I was also bullied by one of them and didn’t stop bothering me. There were two twin girls who was in the next grade who also used to bully me for food, were there too. And shockingly, I’m now friends with one of them. I was there for grades 9 and half of 10. For the second semester of grade 10, I went to an English high school called Phillip Pocock. I was now friends with 2 people, but they were one year younger than me. I used to be close and best friends with one of them. But it seems that finding a boyfriend was more important to her than our friendship. I ended it.

Now we’re up to when I turned 16. When it was my sweet 16 birthday, I made a party and of course it was my last. I invited alot of people and I rented a nice place. I practically wasted my parents’ money doing it. Some people came when I hoped more would come. There was like 6 or 7 people came when I invited 20. I had a DJ. I didn’t really have fun. It was a nightmare. After my birthday, I honestly didn’t care. I stopped going to school because I didn’t want to deal with the idiots. In September, I changed schools for the last time. I went to an English public school called Applewood. I started skipping classes and going home early. Some days I didn’t go. My parents kept on telling me to go to school. I actually lashed out one day at my dad and broke one of the cordless phones. And then in November, I dropped out of school completely. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I honestly wanted to stop socializing with people. After dropping out, I got hooked on doing fanlistings, I joined the network’s message board. I instantly got a bad start. But then, it got good, then it got worse. I also joined it’s sister network. I got into a messy situation. One of the members thought I liked her boyfriend and I had a layout similar like hers. How can I possibly be interested in her boyfriend when I hardly know him and don’t like him and I honestly don’t know what he looks like? :/ Can someone tell me that? She posted a public post on her livejournal. Some of the members whom I know actually showed their true colors after I saw their comments. I got a panic attack and started crying. My mom wanted me to stop doing fanlistings because of that. With the helping hand of my best friend, I didn’t.

This whole post is basically because of my past is currently affecting me and looking back up to this point, made me look at myself. What have I done to make people hate me all these years? Is it my attitude? But to a lot of people that tell me in person, that I’m a very nice girl. What did I honestly do? Is it my attitude? Is it my kindness? Is it my laugh? Is it because I’m loud? (I’ve been told that from my mom.) I honestly wished that I didn’t exist. Because with the friends I have now, I constantly ask if they like me. They tell me that they do, but I’m still scared. It’s a big anxiety that I worry about every single day. Another anxiety is that I worry about people’s comments. About myself online and my appearance in real life. I honestly don’t like it when people stare at me for a long time. Right now, I’ve been accepted to go to college as a mature student. And now I constantly worry about going back after what happened on my sweet 16.

My mom kept on pressuring me to apply that I got stressed and started to cut myself. I’m ashamed to admit it. To be honest, when I was in school, I used to cut a bit. Just small ones. But I stopped after dropping out. But after 3 years, it came back due to stress and anxiety. My mom thinks that in some days that I’m depressed is because I’m an only child. I don’t believe that. There are a few people I’ve known who are only childrens aren’t the same way I am. Everyone is different. Well, these are my two cents. I know that you’ll probably tell me to find counseling. I will be. See you in my next post. :)

When I hear those words, they bring me up. To her faithful fans named the Lovatics, those words also bring them up. For me, she is an idol and role model. Also for her Lovatics, she is their idol and role model too. She is an inspiration for a lot of teenaged girls as well as myself. Today’s first I Adore… topic and post here on my new blog will be why I love Demi Lovato. :) Please know that there are spoilers from her Stay Strong documentary. :)

Like everyone else, I knew Demi from Camp Rock. When I first heard her sing, I was amazed immediately and wanted to learn the song she sang before the movie ended (This Is Me). As she got more noticeable and released some albums, the fanatic in me increased. Of course I got her songs via iTunes and watched the other two Disney Channel movies she appeared in (Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam and Princess Protection Program). One day out of nowhere, my mom came to me and said that she was going to rehab. I was like “what?!”, Then I listened to the news report which was telling the truth. I stared wide eyed at the tv and I wondered to myself why she was doing this. A few months after in 2011, I bought Demi’s latest single; Skyscraper via iTunes. I did love it at first, but sadly I didn’t listen to it as much. But after learning what happened to her and seeing we had the same similarities and having some difficult months, I began to listen to it more and the lyrics became more clear to me. Since then, it became my favorite song to listen to on my iTunes list and my iPod.

On March 6th 2012, Demi released a documentary of what happened when she was in rehab to share to her fans called Demi Lovato: Stay Strong. Of course, I watched it on a live stream online since it hasn’t premiered in Canada yet (though I hope it will be). It was really emotional to watch and of course I still watch it whenever I can online. Every time I watch it, I cry. I won’t deny it. There was so many happy and sad moments she experienced; meeting the girl whom she inspired to go without her wig at her Unbroken tour, helping many people to stay strong, her experiences in rehab and past…everything was very emotional for me to watch. Since watching her documentary, my fanatic side has increased and she’s become my inspiration, role model and idol. And here is another truth. She also encouraged me to get serious help since I do have problems. I know she will continue to inspire me and help me to stay strong. I know she has with Skyscraper :)

Previously mentioned that I had a recital I sang in. It was on Sunday, March 11th. It was my second recital that I performed in my music school and I enjoyed it. I actually performed twice. For the first performance, I was a backup singer for a friend named Inah at my teacher’s concert that he invited her to sing. Her song is called Making My Way and she wrote it herself. :) I recommend that you buy it via iTunes ;D Just look for the artist name Inah Patrizia :) And for the second performance, I sang solo. I sang Christina Perri’s A Thousand Years. :) You guys might hear the song from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. At first, I was nervous that I was shaking. Then I kept performing and I was fine. Everyone loved it and someone actually cheered. I was surprised. I never really hear someone cheering for me while performing something. After the recital was over, a lot of people came to me saying “it was awesome! it was beautiful!” That day was the best day ever. I can’t wait to do it next year. :D Until then, more lessons for me! ;D

I’ve been writing songs as well, a lot of people have inspiring me lately that every time a lyric comes in my head, I grab my pencil and notebook then I start to write it down. One last thing before heading off, I’ve added Dreaming Star to Bloglovin’ so if you were previously following Almateria, please follow my blog with Bloglovin :) Thank you! ;D

As you all know that I love to sing an hope to be a singer in the future (more like now, haha). And, of course I listen to music. Obviously, when you make a song, you need to figure out which type of songs can you sing. Like for example rock, electronica, pop, hip-hop and so on. And of course, on how they sing. That’s the most important. Here are the following singers/bands who inspire me:

And here are the 2 of the more inspiring artists I’ve known:

Melanie Amaro: Did anyone watch the US version of the X Factor? Well, this wonderful and extremely talented and beautiful girl, who is also the same age as me, who auditioned from the very beginning of the show, sang Beyoncé’s song called Listen. When I heard her sing, my jaw dropped and was completely amazed of hearing her voice. Since the time she got through the auditions, I had my fingers crossed for her. Weeks and weeks passed. All contestants who went through for their auditions were separated into groups (Simon was in charge of the girls, Paula was in charge of the groups, L.A was in charge of the boys and Nicole was in charge of the over 30′s) and had to go to the judges homes and also had another famous singer along to help the judges decide. Melanie was sent home halfway during the competition. I was shocked. I was disappointed. But as I continued to watch, Simon said that he knew he made a mistake. He went personally to Melanie’s home in Florida to bring her back to the competition. My disappointment disappeared. I was so excited that she was coming back to the competition. I kept praying every week that she would keep going straight to the finals. And she did. And the most happiest thing happened; she WON. What really surprised me more, is one night when she was performing, she revealed to everyone about her Virgin Islands Creole accent and with it, she said that “this is the real Melanie.” I was surprised hearing it because when she first auditioned, she had an American accent. She said that when she was younger, people made fun of her accent and she always spoke with an American accent. But being more determined with the competition, she came out of her shell. :) Because of her experience and winning the competition, she inspires me because of that. And one day, I hope to sing a collaboration with her. :D

Lady Gaga: Another strong woman who’s inspired me. I love her songs, and especially her style. But more importantly, her heart. She really and I mean REALLY loves her fans. And even more importantly, right now, she’s wants to put a stop to bullying. After listening to Born This Way for the first time, actually made me start to feel strong and more confident about myself because before I was really insecure about myself and everyone didn’t really accept me and I was always alone until high school. She and her mother made a foundation named the Born This Way Foundation which, of course I signed up to support. As a girl who was treated bad because a few things, I hope that the world stops bullying completely. And I know with her words and songs will make me more stronger. :)

Other than singing, I also love to act. Which in bonus to singing, I hope to be a voice actress as well. :) Here are the following voice actors who’ve inspired me:

And lastly, I love to write, especially anything. Whether’s it’s on my blog, writing songs or fansites. Here is the person who inspires me to do so:

Krissy: Before Almateria was up, Krissy’s blog was the first blog that I’ve looked at in a long time. When I visited Shimmer Like Gold for the first time, I was amazed how, she brings alot of inspirational words and images to her followers, whether it’s about fashion or the things she likes, she brings inspiration to me to bring more about myself in this blog. So Krissy, hopefully you read this message, thank you for inspiring many people and myself :)

Do you have people who inspire you? :)

Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight.
Never running without a real fight, she is the one named Sailor Moon! ♥

Every afternoon at 4pm, I would glue to the tv and see the opening theme and sing along, see this awesome girl with a sailor outfit who fights evil and do the same stand she does with her hand on her forehead doing the peace sign. :) This TV show was bestest show I ever watched in my life. And to be honest, I still watch it in 3 languages (English, Japanese and Italian). I would buy the dolls, toys and episodes and dress up as her for Halloween. And I would also do the transformation quotes (Moon Prism Power, Make-Up!) as well. ;D Don’t tell me that you don’t when you watch the anime.

Sailor Moon (orginal title: Bishōjo Senshi Sailor Moon (美少女戦士セーラームーン) in Japanese) tells the story about a 14-year-old girl named Usagi Tsukino (月野 うさぎ Tsukino Usagi, Serena Tsukino in the English version), a regular junior high school student and a crybaby meets a talking cat named Luna and tells her that she is Sailor Moon; one of the Sailor Soldiers who is destined to protect the Earth for peace.

The series include 5 seasons which includes: Sailor Moon Classic (the first season is just simply Sailor Moon but many fans call it classic), Sailor Moon R (Romance or Return), Sailor Moon S/ (Super), Sailor Moon SuperS and Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars. Of course, I love all seasons, but for some reason my favorite seasons has to be Classic, Romance and Super. There are also 3 movies; Sailor Moon R the Movie: Promise of the Rose, Sailor Moon S the Movie: Hearts In Ice, and Sailor Moon SuperS the Movie: Black Dream Hole (The 9 Sailor Soldiers Unite! Miracle of the Black Dream Hole in Japanese). And of course, this was my first anime that I’ve seen in my life and will always be my favorite. I’m not ashamed to say that I still watch it online even though I don’t see it on TV.

My favorite Sailors are Sailor Moon and Sailor Saturn, but my number one will always will be Sailor Moon. I wish many people were like her. She accepts everyone just the way they are. She loves the world. She’s strong. If everyone was like Usagi, I would have a happy life. If anyone hasn’t watched Sailor Moon, I recommend that you watch the series and movies :)

Auditioned: You guys mostly know Britain’s Got Talent and America’s Got Talent, right? Well, Canada’s also starting to do the show as well. :) They’ve going all across Canada looking for talented people. Of course, when they came to Toronto, I auditioned since Mississauga is like 10 minutes away from Toronto. :) I got there at 10am and they started to let people in at 1pm. Thank goodness I ate a hot dog while waiting in line. XD But sadly, it was raining and it was so cold. My mom was the only person with me, but in spirit, everyone who wished me luck on Facebook was also with me. :) (I love you all!) I got inside Rogers Centre 7 minutes after 1pm. People from Tim Hortons’ were giving out free coffee and thank God, that warmed me up :)

So while waiting for my number to be called, I met a few nice people and I was also warming up my voice as well. When they called me, I went upstairs to the 4th floor and a lot of people were waiting for be called. So again, I waited, but my mom was downstairs. ;P And again, I met a few nice people and we were singing and laughing. Then an hour or two of waiting, they finally called me and 4 other girls. Three of them were my age and one was in her 40s. But trust me, she sang beautifully that I can see her on broadway. :D Shockingly so, I went first. My heart was pounding like crazy, but I didn’t let that get to me. So I sang with all my might. The song I sang was Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On from the movie Titanic. :) Everyone else who was with me sang wonderfully that I hope they’ll be with me when I go to the next round. When we were finished auditioning for the producer (it was a lady), the staff gave us papers on how they’ll let us know we’ll be in the next round.

Congratulations on today’s auditions for Canada’s Got Talent! You will hear if you will be going through to the next round by October 31st, 2011. IF You are called back, the dates of the Theatre Auditions will be held in Toronto on December 3rd, 4th and 5th. These dates cannot be changed and IF you are called back, these dates will be your only opportunity to progress further in the competition. IF you are called back, you need to perform the same act and you must wear the same clothes, hair, makeup, etc. Thanks for comming out today and GOOD LUCK!!

Learning: Kanji~ The most used writing in Japan :) My sensei gave me a few papers to practice writing and reading. What’s really surprising about the kanji writing, is that there are many letters can be used for one kanji writing. Sadly, since my name is very English, I can’t write my name in kanji. However, I can write it in katakana. ;D (ミシェル = Misheru)

That’s all of the news I have~ Wish me luck! ;D

The next day, I saw one of my favorite voice actors Vic Mignogna, you anime fans might know him as Edward Elric in Fullmetal Alchemist. :) Sadly, I missed the autograph session. But! I was lucky to get see him in concert ;D He was singing for us after the convention finished. And luckily, I was able to get an autograph, hug and picture with him :D And also, (shockingly so), on that day, was his birthday. So, I was singing happy birthday for him, and then everyone joined in. He was amazed with my voice and gave me another hug. *_____* I was so happy.

On the last day, I was able to most shockingly-ist thing I’ve done in my life. Seeing William Shatner passing in front of me with security guards, meeting the Canadian singer, Lights and Mr Draco Malfoy himself; Tom Felton. I didn’t know that Lights was going to be at the convention since she wasn’t listed in the guest list. But then again, she lives in Toronto :) Now, when I met Tom, I was freaking out like nuts, I was fixing my hair, make sure that my makeup was okay. Making sure my costume was okay. When I was going to take a picture with him, he said: “Hi, are you okay?” I was like shaking and I was like, yeah XD And when I was leaving after taking my picture, I said bye and he said: “Take care.” *Sigh* Those words will forever be in my heart :) Since it was the last day of the convention, I had had to give my address so they can mail the picture to me. Right now, I’m worried and scared of how my picture will be when I get it in the mail. ;P I’ll eventually post it when I get it to show you all. But all in all, it was the bestest day of my life and I can’t wait for next year :D

Drinking: Tim Horton’s Strawberry Banana smoothie :D While I usually buy their iced cappucino (and trust me, I still love it), Mom buys their smoothie. She let me taste hers and then I got addicted XD What’s good about it, is that they used real fruits for it :) I would usually drink it 2 times a day ;P Crazy, I know but that’s how I’m addicted to it XD

Playing: Tales of Symphonia, Alice: Madness Returns and Tales of Vesperia (PS3). For Vesperia, I’ve gotten a lot of trophies (achievements) that I could have gotten on the XBox verion of it :) If anyone plays on a PS3, and if anyone wants to add me, I’m mirrorthesoul :3 Just leave a comment letting me know that you’ve added me to your friends list. For Symphonia, I’ve restarted the game from scratch. Like I’ve deleted my saved completed games from my memory card. I’ve been tough getting grades, gald, titles and EXP again XD But I’ve been bearing it. For Madness Returns, playing that game have been slow for me that I’ve kept on setting it to easy and normal a few times XD I know. I suck. But when I make a second playthrough, I’ll set it to hard. ;P Usually when I play a game a second time, I would like a challenge XD

Singing: If you guys remember listening to me sing Evanescence’s Hello, my teacher recorded me singing Bonnie Pink’s Ring A Bell; Tales of Vesperia’s English Opening. Hope you guys like it! :)

Excited: A few days ago, I went to a convention in Toronto called FanExpo and I went to see one of my favorite English voice actors; Vic Mignogna and of course, Mr Malfoy himself; Tom Felton :) (I’ll explain in my next blog post for details). :D

O Canada!
Our home and native land
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
Car ton bras sait porter l’épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Today my fellow Canadians, let us celebrate for our country! A country where we are free, a country where we are happy, a country where we can express! Today, let us celebrate for Canada! :D

Today is the birthday of my country that I was born in. I am grateful that I was born here. I truly am. This country has many open doors that I can go through to have a good future. So many good people I’ve met. Good places to visit. And two wonderful languages I’ve learned from. If you’re proud to be in this wonderful country, celebrate! Show Canada how happy you are in this country! Happy Canada Day to all of the Canadians and happy birthday to you Canada :)